I am a dirty old man, serious about it, and nonetheless enticing

I'm trying online dating for the first time and this profile, while not at all whom I'd like to meet, is witty as all get-out.

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Retired_Spy
Geneva, Switzerland
47/m, straight. 5' 9" (1.76m). Available.

My self-summary:
I'm a well-educated, charming, witty dirty old man in my 40's living near Geneva, Switzerland.

I'm English mother-tongue, but speak French, German, and have forgotten almost all the Russian I knew.

I'm involved in international relations on a global level. In my career I've worked in over 60 countries on all continents (except Antarctica for you purists).

I'm not looking for a soul-mate; rather, I'm looking for someone (2 'X' chromosomes obligatory) who enjoys taking a few mild risks, delights in long boozy lunches, and would be interested in foregoing same for hot, sweaty, and fulfilling, purely superficial, utterly meaningless encounters.

Oh: nutcases, s'abstenir (don't bother replying).

What I'm doing with my life:
Making the world a better place.

Spending too much time in international travel.

And searching for the perfect Mai-Tai.

I'm really good at:
Cooking, long lunches, scintillating dinnertable conversation, high-level diplomatic negotiations, cuddling. And making coffee the morning after.

The first thing(s) people usually notice about me:
If I'm lucky, my smile and my hair.

My favorite books, movies, music, and foods are:
Books: I'm a Philistine, so let's not go here. I'm on a search for a plausible and engaging spy book.

Movies: See above.

Music: Ack! Musical tastes came to a screeching halt sometime in the 80's. I'm not some middle-aged poser who pretends to know all the words to every Coldplay song, ever. I loathe hip-hop, gangsta rap, and Country / Western. And I'm a Philistine, so forget symphony / opera / ballet / etc. But I can bore you with all sorts of observations on the Golden Age of music between, say, 1967 and Journey's last stadium concert.

Foods: anything that doesn't involve entrails. Fresh goose liver is a delightful exception if prepared correctly (raspberry vinegar is crucial). Ethnic: Ethiopian, Italian, and of course Mexican. I'm an omnivore. And I like my steaks very rare.

The SIX things I could never do without:
1. friendly / loving companionship
2. trashy paperback books
3. a decently equipped kitchen full of sharp kitchen knives, because I really do know my way around the kitchen...
4. trips to California
5. a well-stocked booze cupboard
6. the smell of pine trees and the sound of their boughs in the wind.

I spend a lot of time thinking about:
Life, the universe, and everything.

I've also spent a few minutes wondering (OK, I'm not surprised) at how some of the OK Cupid contacts I've made have been, shall we say, not quite up to the task... Is it too much to hope for to find a woman in her mid-20's who can actually interact with a man in his 40's? Right now the odds don't look so good.

On a typical Friday night I am:
Exhausted from a brutal week, but relaxing while I prepare a nice dinner.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit here is:
I dated Victoria Beckham; she wept when I broke it off with her.

Even so, I'm a really nice guy. Honest.

You should message me if:
You're either young (18-28), inexperienced, enthusiastic, and very pliant; or still young (29+), experienced, enthusiastic, and very pliant. In either case, you should be a risk-taker (that's a risk with a small 'r', by the way).

You shouldn't be a flake. I don't like flakes. Or teases. Or girls who haven't quite grown up.

It would be great if we spoke a couple of languages in common, and you've seen the world a bit, although that's not strictly necessary.

And you should be interested in getting together for a nice lunchtime dalliace or two. Or three. Or more.

Nutcases, s'abstenir svp.

I am a dirty old man, serious about it, and nonetheless enticing.

Stripping over my words

I worked with a manager from France in my last job. Renaud was one of the smartest people I've ever worked with. However, given that English wasn't his first (or second) language, he had occasional problems with English idioms. We kept a list of his idiomatic expressions. Of course, if the situation were reversed, we would screw up French idioms just as much.

Topic	Renaudism
Finality of numbers	"It's not that those numbers have to be set in marble."
Phone Tag	"I'm sorry that we keep playing tag phone."
Kissing up	"I don't need you to lick ass."
Getting to the point	"We need to cut to the chest."
Bad mornings	"Did you wake up on the wrong side of the foot?"
Non disclosures	"You can't look at that because you haven't signed the DNA yet."
Unappealing jobs	"What would repeal you from this job?"
Renaud's brightness	"I'm not the sharpest tool on the shelf."
Training	"You can't teach a monkey a new face."
Leaving for the day	"I'm about to quit the building."
Talking about others	"I wouldn't talk in your back."
Sucky jobs	"My friends have dead hand jobs."
Picking your battles	"Don't kill the hand that feeds you."
Go ahead, make my day	"Be my guess."
Tripping over my words	"Stripping over my words."
It strikes me that...	"It strikes my mind that..."
Probability	"Shoot fish in a pond."
That's a relief	"That's a large weight off your stomach."

Commitment, Italian style

I have a co-worker who lived in Italy for several years. When I asked how he was doing today, he responded by teaching me a fun phrase:

"Stabo abbastanza bene."

It's the subjuctive for "I'm okay," but literally translates to "I might/ could be somewhat well."

He added that this phrase is typically Italian — they always like to leave their options open.

Words I adore

I like the 'mouth feel' of many of these words. Some are obnoxiously fun to say. Others are here because I dig their meaning. And some ... some I like just because.

This is cross-posted to comment dit-on.

hooligan whilst loathe disdain ravenous ravage bwahahaha argh visceral contempt schadenfreude adore fabulous effing gleefully campy citrusy resonant resonate rife taunt inspire glistening chrissakes albeit incredulous wicked (really) sherpa atavistic frabjous avocation

avatar yearn addled buss caress bliss erstwhile accoutrements tchotcke diva noggin confluence sublime bemused avarice haunting ardor hoodwinked penultimate fervor penumbra renaissance rapture lust revel assail shimmy fucktard interspersed wonky

woven entwined arc fetish tenderness jones (as a verb) fancy (as a verb) yen philistines luddites heathens thespians dogmatic zealot fey doyenne eager scathing withering mocking hosed sylvan yellow (cowardly) caterwompus googly moogly askew shiksa yenta prolly apoplectic

luminescent luminous radiant bask ravish afterglow discern apt sheer shear revile madness ambling huzzah hooray yippee covet delicious hankering knickers predilection proclivity rapture awry aged (a-jed) danke whirl evanesce dissipate fierce

If only everybody could write good.

It was one part dare, one part serious, and all inspired.

Crappy Scientist suggested that we start a collection of particularly good bits of writing. I decided that it should probably include other things on language.

Here goes.